-Scratching of A Quill-

[ampedvamp]

It's March April...I'm not sure what month it is, nor the day. All I know is that the days are getting longer. The nights so short. I may need to start feeding on humans so I can go out when the sun is shining. It's getting more and more difficult to stay within the [shadow=red,left,300]shadows[/shadow]. _{I long for the taste of human blood. It's so sickly sweet.} No, I cannot drink of them! I do not want to be found. This life...it's difficult. Why did I fall for the charms?

Oh, I remember. His touch was so soft. His eyes peered deep into my soul. He make me quiver so much. My body still aches to be one with him again. Oh Felicitus. ^{You cagey worm! Spurned me? Me? And for what? Some hussy in a whore house! You got what was coming to you! Bram was a man! One you could never hope to be!}


I forget myself. You ... you were warmth. This skin was always clammy, but with you here. It was warm. Fiery. The passion. The lust. More satisfying than the blood we dined on. To have you touch me again...Luckily, your funds mysteriously disappeared and were reinvested in the vehicle I make my home in. It's good to know you were good for something.

[ampedvamp]

^{I want to eat. I must feed on the people I see. They look so delicious. It's getting so hard not to leap out at them. To pounce, to bear them down. The people around here would taste so good. The fear they would feel. I love it! LOVE IT!}[/size]

I fear I am losing myself. I need interaction, any interaction. I feel as though my humanity is slipping. Like it did when I was with Felicitus. I can feel the hunger for human blood inside of me. It is...difficult. I need to get away from these people. If somebody stumbles upon me at night. I can't do this, and my car isn't registered, so I'm bound to be questioned by authorities. If they approach me I just might...I just might... _{Forget them. Humans, so weak. They'll taste delicious. They will try to fight and scream. But it won't last long. No. Not when I'm here. Celeste...but in no way Celestial. Primal. A beast. The ultimate predator...I am...}[/font]

Losing myself...[/size]

[ampedvamp]

He's back, I knew he'd find me eventually. It was only a matter of time. I should have felt him getting closer, but the hunger. It overwhelmed me. I do not remember much of what happened. A cop. I think all he wanted to know was if I was all right. He was just doing his job and I...I killed him. What if he had a family? What if... No matter. Time is growing short for me. My future looms before me, thick and menacing. He wants to know if I'll go back. If I will join the brood. But how can I? How can we just...

I am awake. I sit here, I know what must be done. The comfort of a brood. The community. The family. More powerful than a wolfpack. Smarter, faster, stronger. We need blood. Whiskey and pig's blood is great, but it is no way to live. Sleep. Take the long sleep, child, let the beast awaken. We are what we are, nothing more or less. Do what needs to be done.

I am no animal! I cannot fall to the depths like some common lycanthrope. I am above that! The hunts are on and I must survive!

What good is survival, if you're not living? Blood is survival. Blood is the way of life! You are an animal. We are an animal. And we are the best. We are predators. There are more than enough humans in the world, they'll not go extinct. You must live. Live to survive. Remember the past? Remember how good you used to feel? Felicitus was a dog, but he did show you how to live... to survive.

[ampedvamp]

I've met a man recently. He refers to himself as a "goth" and he begs for me to turn him. I deny him that. He does not understand what could happen. He is a very depressed man, the depression will only increase with age. He may attempt to kill himself, but... I don't know. Humans thoughts confuse me nowadays. I think he cares for me. Or maybe he just wants to appeal to my baser instincts.

After all, he's been letting me feed off of him for the past month.

But control. I show control. It excites him when I bite and we have some of the greatest sex ever. But we both must have control. I wonder if he just wants me to lose it and kill him. But I remember. I remember the teachings from the month previous.

Control.

Without that, I am nothing.