Ask A.J. (need advice?)

[Deleted]

So, I'm a demon possessing the body of an excitable musician who still manages to seem laid back... somehow. I don't get how it works, but I've learned to imitate it and that's what counts.

Anyway, you've all read those advice columns right? Where you can write to someone that's supposedly qualified to answer all your questions and solve all your problems?

I haven't been hangin' around here long, but I can see there are plenty of you who have some issues.

If you're thinking, "Hey, that's me! I have issues!" well hey, good for you for havin' the stones to own it.

If you're thinking, "Pfft. He doesn't know what he's talkin' about." then you're full of it. I'm sure you have more issues than the guy who knows he has issues.

So here's the deal, cut and dry. You got a problem? Need advice? Want an opinion on something? Life, love, sex, money... anything that's drivin' you nuts, basically. Go ahead and post it here and I'll put in my two cents. Maybe other people can weigh in too.

I should warn you, though, my advice comes in two varieties: A.J. and Pilgrim. If you're kinda sensitive or this problem's near and dear to your heart or somethin', you might want to request the A.J. version of my advice. This is the laid-back musician whose meat suit I'm wearin'. I'm not him and I sure as hell ain't lettin' him come out and play, but I do a decent job of mimicking his personality, so I can put up a human front for you if you want.

If you do not specifically request the A.J. option for your advice, you WILL get Pilgrim. Pilgrim is the name I go by when I don't feel like puttin' on a show and acting human. This is me. The freakin' demon. I'm not human, I don't feel your pain, and I don't care how sensitive your issue is. I'm gonna tell it to ya straight, and you're probably not gonna like it.

So here it is. I'm offerin' my services free of charge. Unless you request a more private therapy session .

((Note: This is meant to be fun and entertaining, and in character. Please don't mistake it for an actual advice column type of thing for you yourself to air your dirty laundry or post real-life issues. And please don't take A.J.'s potential insults personally. Like I said, this is for fun and entertainment only.))

[igrat]

Hey cutie! I'm having an issue. There are far too many men to corrupt and not enough time to corrupt them in! What ever will I do? I mean, I could always recruit some other women to assist me, but it would not give me the same...thrill. What is your advice?

[Deleted]

Easy. Only corrupt the ones you get the most out of. Forget the rest.