Walk A Mile In Your Shoes A/C (Dean)

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

It was so easy to hold Sully it seemed surreal. Not just because she’d lost so much weight that her body was half as thin as it usually was, but more for the fact she didn’t have the strength to resist such an act of familiarity. Sully didn’t hug. For that matter, neither did Dean, not really, but she kept people at a distance, the reasons for which Dean now knew. So it was shocking in a way, to have her suddenly go from fighting him to clinging onto him as though he were the last life jacket on a sinking ship. It was then that Dean knew that she was wholly and completely broken. She was him on the rack in front of Alastair, saying ‘yes’ because saying ‘no’ was just too hard to do.

“I’m sorry.” He said it again, the apology tumbling from his lips in a sad whisper, this time in shame for what his ‘yes’ had led to. Oh, how he’d longed to have someone to hold him back then, just once, and maybe he’d have had the strength to keep going for another thirty years, but Hell was a lonely place for souls doomed to be at its mercy and the only time you got hands touching you, were when they were holding you down to torture screams from your throat. Dean felt he’d deserved everything he’d suffered through for his hand on that knife, if only he could take that ‘yes’ back.

”Stop saying that…not your fault…”

Dean’s brows furrowed together in confusion. Was she reading his mind now? He knew all about her ability to heal others though, ironically though, she couldn’t use the gift on herself. It would have made life so much easier for them if all it took to put her back together again was a little Native American mojo and they wouldn’t be here now. But then, perhaps Sully needed to be here, to finally let go of that burden she’d carried all these years. What if this was her big turning point? The moment she stopped shying away from those around her in fear that they’d find out her secrets. Or maybe Dean was just tired and wishing for things that would never happen.

”Mine.”

“No.” He said firmly, thinking back to what he knew her father had done to her and now, what her mother had done. “It’s not your fault at all.”

It was Dean’s strength holding the both of them up, Sully had tried to rest back against the tub, but now she was melting into his embrace like warm chocolate on a sunny day, his arms around her back supporting her as she cried against him. He suspected that she hadn’t allowed herself to be this vulnerable for a long time, her tears hot against his neck, her sobs heartbreaking to hear.

”Don’t go.”

She sounded like a frightened little girl, scared that Dean would abandon her like everyone else in her life had. If only she was aware that he knew what that felt like too. How his brother kept leaving him behind, or how his father had vanished one day without telling Dean why. He’d never realised it before, but he and Sully had more in common with one another than he’d ever imagined.

“I won’t.”

They stayed that way for a while, long enough for Sully’s tears to finally slow down, her shaking sobs becoming soft hiccups of misery and pain, her body giving into exhaustion. It would have been easy then to pick her up and take her back to the bunk so she could sleep, but Dean just couldn’t bring himself to let go, especially when she still hanging onto his shoulder like she was, stubbornly keeping hold for as long as she could. It made Dean smile despite himself; her hand in the exact same place Castiel had gripped him tight and pulled him from Hell. He still bore the reminder of that, a scar in the shape of an angelic handprint. There were few that had seen it up close and all were mesmerised by how such a perfect mark could have been burnt onto his skin. But it went deeper than that, a scar on his very soul that would never heal, even under Sully’s hands.

His back was beginning to ache now from the awkward position he’d put himself in to take Sully’s weight, but rather than get up and move, he simply shifted himself back the small distance to the wall, bringing Sully with him as gently as possible so that he didn’t cause her to stir too much, cradling her against him while she rested. She’d practically cried herself to sleep in his arms and that was a first. Only Sam had ever done that before and he’d been six at the time.

Lost in his thoughts, he’d almost forgotten that in the melee of stopping Sully’s attempted suicide, he’d managed to cut his palm open. He glanced down at it, noticing for the first time that there were two criss-crossing red stripes there. One was the cut going lengthways across his palm, deep enough for it to sting when he flexed his fingers but nothing he hadn’t had before. The other line was smeared across it but had no wound underneath and it took him a few moments to realise that at some point in his struggles with Sully, he must have caught hold of her hand and sure enough, when he checked, she had an identical pattern of blood on her palm too, her cut at an angle to the one mirrored on Dean‘s hand. It made Dean think of those old westerns, where pacts were made in blood, two cut palms pressed together to seal a deal. He wondered if they ever really lasted.

I promise I’ll always be here when you need me…

Fatigue soon took over after that, firstly for Sully, then surprisingly for Dean too. He hadn’t intended to sleep, he knew he had things that needed to be done; fixing his phone if he could, making sure that he had food and medicine ready for when Sully woke up again, bolstering the bunker’s defences and keeping guard in case Wolf-lady – Sully’s mother – came back, but the undeniable sense of growing exhaustion dragged him under. If he’d have been more alert, then maybe that numbness that was creeping down his arm from where Sully held on might have given him reason to question it, but he was too worn out to pay it much attention, dismissing it as nothing more than just pins and needles from being gripped. Nothing more.

[Deleted]

It was the same clearing and the same fire as before. Warmth spread through Sully’s body, seemingly going into her bones to ease the aches and pains that had managed to come with her this time into the spirit world. It amazed Sully how suddenly easy she was able to go on spirit walks. She had tried so hard before to come here before, during the many pain filled hours of being tortured and broken. Sully knew, even now that whatever was happening to her physical body wouldn’t necessarily be carried over.

This place was an escape. One that Sully had often retreated to as a child. At first it had frightened her, but she’d learned to enjoy meeting the spirits, talking with them. For all intensive purposes they had been her only friends, even if she only ever saw them once. It was the way these things worked. She never saw the same spirit twice. It was rare she ever came to the same setting twice, but that had been known to happen.

Sully stretched out, feeling a tingling in her body. It was an echo of the pain in her physical body which she was grateful for. Maybe she had been too far out of it the first time to feel it. Sully still wasn’t exactly sure how these spirit walks worked, but then again she’d never had anyone to teach her. Her faith in the Native American community had dwindled. Not that Sully could blame them all for what her mother and a few others had done, but at the moment, Sully didn’t know who to trust. Except…maybe Dean.

Everything was ass backwards right now.

“Or maybe everything is as it should be.”

Sully jumped when Cheveyo’s voice filled the night. Her gaze went to him, surprised because this was the first time ever that the same spirit had showed up. She blinked at him, her mouth agape. This wasn’t what she had expected. Then again, nothing was what it was before. Everything was changing. Sully hated change, but it was inevitable.

Shaking her head, Sully looked back to the flames. “Nothing is as it should be.”

Those broken down feelings of vulnerability and betrayal were still there. Coming to the spirit world only pulled Sully away from the physical pain. It didn’t take away the emotions and for whatever reason, she couldn’t just push them away. She couldn’t bury them as she had so many times before. The safe had been cracked and every time she stuffed the emotions in, they leaked back out.

Still they were buffered. A strange sense of calming instilled upon her, keeping Sully from becoming the sobbing mess she was in the physical world. She was grateful for it. It was a reprieve from it, if only a small one.

Cheveyo smirked as if he knew something Sully didn’t. “Your wounds are healing. When you wake you’ll find significant improvement. You won’t be fully healed, but…better.”

Her brow furrowed. “I can’t heal myself.”

His hands began beating on the drum that his legs were wrapped around and he chanted words rhythmically into the night. It was in the Native American language, and it seemed to get picked up on the wind. Sully had no idea what he was saying, but before she could ask him what the hell was going on, her eyes were opening in the physical world.

Sully gasped a bit, pain washing through her body, but not near as bad as it had been before. She blinked the sleep from her eyes, surprised to find that Dean was still holding her in his arms. He was sleeping soundly, his head tilted to one side. Sully was surprised how safe she found herself feeling in his arms. It was comforting making her feel like maybe she wasn't so alone. That in itself scared the hell out of her.

Alone was a concept Sully had gotten used to a long time ago. She didn't think it would be so easy to let someone comfort her. Maybe it had been because she was too scared to let anyone try. Even now she was scared it would be ripped away or she would wake to find it some hope filled dream. She didn't want to get up, but Sully had to.

Biting on her tongue to keep from whimpering, Sully eased herself out of his lap, gripping the tub and bracing her other hand against the wall to pull herself up. Despite her best efforts, a few moans escaped her lips and she glanced at Dean. He stirred a bit, but didn’t wake up. She breathed a sigh in relief, her ribs still protesting the movement, but not as fiercely as before.

Stumbling over to the sink, Sully turned on the faucet and cupped her hands, drinking until her thirst was quenched. She took several deep breaths realizing that she could expand her lungs farther without having the blinding pain. Steeling herself for a moment, Sully looked into the mirror again.

She was still skeletal, bones protruding at awkward angles, and there were still deep hollows under her eyes. The bruises had lightened and some of the gashes were thinner now. She blinked shifting the sheet, looking at all the places where her skin had been broken, and then gently prodding her ribs. They had gone from being broken to being cracked.

The bandages still covered her shoulder, but Sully was scared to look. She didn’t dare move it either. What if it wasn't healed enough? What if it was still the same mess of flesh and bones she remembered seeing? What if there was no hope of her ever recovering from what had been to do it? She didn't have the nerve to look now.

Somehow she had been healed. Not wholly, but she was better off than she had been. Cheveyo…it had to have been Cheveyo.

Gripping the edge of the sink Sully took several deep breaths. She still felt so weak and vulnerable. All these changes frightened her. Sully didn’t have control over anything anymore. Not her thoughts, her emotions or feelings, her body. Not even her power.

A shiver swept through her body. She didn't want to think about this right now. About any of it. She wanted to forget it, bury down, but it was like a raw wound someone kept pouring salt into. It hurt like a bitch and she wasn't sure she'd be able to get through it this time.

She glanced down at the glass in the sink. If she wanted to, she could. Dean was asleep and she'd probably bleed out before he woke to realize what had happened. It would be easy enough.

Then her gaze flicked to Dean. He almost looked peaceful in his sleep. She had already become a burden to him. She couldn't have him wake up and find her dead. Not like this. Maybe when this was over...maybe then, but she didn't want Dean to blame himself and for some reason, she thought he would. That he would have guilt because he couldn't save her.

He'd figure out soon enough that Sully wasn't savable. Then he'd leave. For now though...for now she just didn't want to be alone.

Sully moved back over to Dean and sat beside him. She knew he must have been tired. Everything he’d done for her. Sully still didn’t understand why. He’d said none of this was her fault, but he didn’t know. He didn’t understand.

Maybe if it had just been one person in her family…maybe if someone had ever cared about Sully she would think different. If her own family hated her so much to do these horrible things to her, how could Sully not think it was her fault? She just wished she knew what she had done. What terrible thing she must have had done to make them hate her so much.

Sully shivered next to him, the floor cold beneath her and the sheet offering little comfort. She didn’t want to wake Dean though. He’d been taking care of her. Something Sully didn’t understand and couldn’t comprehend. She’d been on her own for so long, been taking care of herself. No one took care of her. She was grateful though. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Sully knew Dean would never let her live this down when this was over, but she right now, she didn’t care.

Taking his hand, Sully felt the cuts graze across each other again, but hers had been considerably healed. His hand was warm, calloused from years of using weapons and digging up graves.
Strong, they were strong hands that killed monsters. Hands that had managed to become so gentle somehow. They had managed to make her feel safe, if only for a few moments. Dean would probably never truly know just how much that meant to her or what exactly he had done for her. Sully would probably never have the guts to tell him either.

Right now, she just wanted to hold onto something solid. She tightened her grip on his hand. Not ready to go back to sleep, Sully rested her head on Dean’s chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart.

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

There was something eerily peaceful about being alone in the desert. Dean thought it had something to do with the vast open space being filled by only the sounds of his boots treading on the rough ground as he walked. There was nothing else, no people, no traffic, no animals even. Just desert and heat and nothingness. But the silence that followed him felt threatening in a way, as though something he couldn’t see was poised in his blind spot, just waiting for the opportune moment to pounce on him.

Abruptly he stopped, the grit under the soles of his boots crunching like broken eggshells, and he turned swiftly in the hopes of catching out whatever it was that had his sixth sense tingling. But all he was greeted with was more open desert, more heat and more nothingness.

It’s just the wind…or it would be if there was wind…

Shaking his head at his own paranoia, Dean turned back around, suddenly startled by the appearance of Sully just mere inches from his face.

“Jesus!” He exclaimed, taking a reflexive step back with a hand on his rapidly beating heart.

“Gotcha.” Sully grinned, winking at him before turning around to limp away in the direction Dean had originally been heading. Her appearance hadn’t changed, she still looked like death warmed over, her bandages weathered and dusty like she’d been outside for too long. Dean frowned and ran to catch up with her.

“You should be resting, where’re you going?”

“I’m following the sound.” She replied, implying that it had been a stupid question.

“What sound?” Dean took a step but found that the solid ground under his feet had become loose sand, sucking his boot in a little when he put weight on it.

“Can’t you hear it?” Sully asked, glancing back over her shoulder at him. The brief glimpse he got of her face, it looked like she’d gotten some colour back into her cheeks, a little more life in her eyes. Dean frowned, squinting in the bright sun as stopped for a moment to listen to the desert.

“No. I don’t hear anything.”

“Sounds like drumming.” By now, Sully’s limp had disappeared and her speed had picked up whilst Dean found himself slowed down by the unstable earth beneath his feet. Every step he sunk a little lower, the dirt covering his boots making walking feel like he was wading through quicksand. Strangely though, Sully’s feet seemed to glide over the ground as if she was weightless.

“Wait up.” He called after her and she turned to face him, the bandages he’d wrapped her in falling away to reveal perfect skin underneath. No wounds, no blood and no scars.

“I can’t wait, I have to go. You’ll be fine on your own though. Nothing out here but me and you.”

“You can’t leave me on my own!” Dean was yelling now, the distance between them becoming greater as time passed and his struggles to carry on gradually got more and more difficult. In the blink of an eye, Sully was half a mile away, a stick figure shimmering in the distance, still walking away from him. He thought he could run after her but the quicksand had pulled his legs down below the surface of the ground and it was all he could do to keep himself moving forward. The flat earth became more of a hole, getting deeper and deeper with him in the centre trying in vain to claw his way back up.

“Sully!” Panic had started to seep in, his breathing quickening, his strength feeling like it was leaching out into the very ground that was trying to swallow him up. His efforts to get free had only resulted in him sinking further and now the quicksand was up to his neck, only his arms and head above the surface, still clinging to the idea that he could grab something to drag himself out. But even if there had been something around to latch onto, he didn’t have the strength to heave himself up, his body now heavier than a lead weight, impossible to lift.

And then, out of no-where, Sully’s voice cut through the eerie silence, calling his name as if she couldn’t find him and he wanted to cry out that he was here, that she should follow his voice and come get him, but his chest felt like it was under too much pressure to draw air in to speak, all he could do was silently scream her name. Momentary relief came when he heard the sound of footstep drawing nearer but he was too far down to see over the top of the hole, his hands just barely able to reach the edges. It had to be Sully though, she’d already said that there wasn’t anyone around for miles, which was probably why it shocked him so much when the head of a very large coyote suddenly peered down over the edge at him.

Before Dean could do anything, the ferocious teeth of the beast had clamped down on his forearm, clenching so tight that he felt the bones being crushed. This time Dean did find the air to scream as the coyote used his arm to drag him up, out of the quicksand that had almost been his end. For the longest moment all Dean could register was the pain and the blood and then confusion as to why the coyote had saved him. And that’s when he saw it’s eyes.

They were Sully’s.

Dean jerked awake, sweating and panting, completely disorientated by his nightmare, clueless for a minute as to why he’d woken up on the floor of a strange and not so very clean bathroom. He blinked a couple of times before realising that Sully was there too, surprised that she was awake and he’d fallen asleep. It suddenly hit him then that he’d left them both unprotected, that anything could have happened while he’d been catching some, all be it restless, sleep.

“You okay?” Was the first, rather gravely thing that came out of his mouth and it made him wince as how rough he sounded. A hard cough to clear away the dryness in his throat and he shuffled himself more upright against the wall, choosing to ignore how much his arm was throbbing.

It was just a dream…doesn’t mean anything…

[Deleted]

Dean stirred a bit in his sleep and Sully lifted her head. There was a bit of sweat beading on his brow. It brought a frown to her lips. He was having a nightmare. Then again maybe he was just hot. Sully was leaning against him. Just because she was freezing didn't mean he was. She nibbled on her lip, debating on whether or not to wake him up. She wasn’t sure if Dean would be welcome to the aid. What if it made him angry?

She realized that wasn’t a normal thought for her. Angering people had been one of Sully’s specialties and she never gave a damn before. Especially not with Dean. It was as if they were a thorn in each other sides. They were constantly arguing, fighting, bickering, and throwing punches. They angered each other on purpose, seeing how easy it would be to get a rise out of the other. It was just the way they were. So why was she second guessing waking him up because it could make him angry?

Sully reached out to jostle him, but Dean jerked awake. The sudden movement startled Sully. She gasped, scurrying across the floor to the other side of the bathroom. She was still on the floor, her eyes wide, worried what he was going to do. Somewhere in the back of her mind Sully knew she was being irrational. The only problem was, irrational fear was still fear.

“You okay?”

His voice was gruff, but Sully didn’t comment on it. She just slowly nodded, gripping the sheets to her small frame. Dean she knew, was like her in the aspect that he didn’t want people to know when something was wrong. Or at least that’s how she had been. Right now, Sully didn’t know which way was up, let alone who she was. Dean didn’t seem the same either. Where was the bastard who rode her ass to get the job done? The son of a bitch who had no problem telling her how it was? He had been kind to her, and that shook Sully. It told her just how bad off she really was.

“Are you?” She tilted her head looking at him curiously. Her voice was still scratchy, but not nearly as bad as it had been. The soreness of her throat had been reduced as well. Cheveyo was right. Her wounds had healed, but not fully. She was still plenty sore and achy. The difference was, it wasn’t completely unbearable now.

The cold floor was seeping into Sully’s bones. She shivered underneath the sheet. Raising an arm, Sully rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “You wouldn’t happen to have any extra clothes would you?” She cast her gaze to the ground. Sully had never been modest. Hell she changed in front of him the first time she met him. Dean had seen most of her scars. Now it seemed he’d seen all of her. It was the only explanation as to why she was now naked under the sheet and a lot of the gunk was cleaned from her body.

Despite that, Sully was feeling vulnerable and exposed. She didn’t like the way she looked. The new wounds, her bones protruding at odd angles because she didn’t have enough meat on her bones. She wanted to cover herself up, hide from the world. She didn’t want to see the pity in Dean’s eyes either. At least if she had clothes on, she wouldn’t have to look at what was left of her. It wasn’t much. Sully knew that. What was left of her she wanted to hide away.

Just like that Sully felt stupid. Here she was acting like a victim. Something Sully swore she’d never be. Clearing her throat, she stood and attempted to square her shoulders. Simultaneously she became dizzy and pain slid through her shoulder. It eased through the muscles and tendons, but it wasn’t blinding agony. Which is probably why she was still standing and not face planted on the ground despite the dizziness.

Reaching out, Sully grabbed the edge of the sink. She closed her eyes and waited for the room to stop spinning. Sully was weak. In so many ways. She hated it. She felt her throat tightening again, the sting of tears under her eyelids. A sound of frustration escaped her lips and she leaned against the wall.

“Yell at me.” She told Dean. Sully realized it was an odd request, but she needed some sense of normalcy. She needed something to be right in the world. Opening her eyes she looked at him fiercely. “YELL AT ME!”

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

”Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

Honestly? No, he wasn’t alright, but in the grand scheme of things, a bad dream was pretty far down the list of things to be worried about. He glanced at his watch, noticing for the first time that it was smeared with drying blood. Who it belonged to was anyone’s guess, he’d had that much on his hands the last day or so it was hard to keep track, but he rubbed it away on his shirt and found he’d been asleep for about four hours. It felt much longer from the way his limbs refused to co-operate when he moved, stiff and sore from overuse.

He’d missed how Sully had flinched away from him, too busy rubbing something crusty from the corners of his tired eyes, distracted by the tightness of skin on the back of his neck when he shook his head to clear the fog, evidence of the sun’s unmerciful effect on his skin.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any extra clothes would you?”

Dean blinked, looked at the sheet she was using like a toga and then frowned in thought. He had plenty of clothes in his car, one of his shirts would have been ideal, long enough to cover her up and loose enough not to aggravate her injuries, but going for them would take too long right now which was why he’d just left her naked under the sheet. She looked embarrassed about that too which was unusual. Sully had no shame when it came to flaunting her body but now, this was different. Her usual armour was gone and hiding under the sheet was the only way she could keep a grip on some kind of defence.

“There’s some clothes downstairs.” He said without making it obvious that he meant stuff that her crazy shape shifting mother had worn. Sully got up then, perhaps a little too quickly and Dean rushed to stand too, catching her arms when she swayed and grabbed hold of the sink.

“You need to sit down. I’ll fetch them.”

”Yell at me.”

“What?” Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion, thinking that maybe he’d misheard her. “I don‘t-”

”YELL AT ME!”

This time he raised his eyebrows, her sudden fierceness making him recoil a little, removing his hands from her arms. She was steady enough with her weight against the sink but he couldn’t figure out why she was asking such an odd request of him.

“You’re serious?”

[Deleted]

“You’re serious?”

Sully leaned back against the wall. The tile was cold against her back. It seeped through her skin, adding to the chill that was already inside her bones and she shivered. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to clear her head. Everything was upside down and backwards. It was as if she stepped through the looking glass and was no win some weird trippy nightmare. She swallowed thickly.

She didn’t know what to say. That slight outburst had made her weary and drained. Her stomach rumbled with an angry hunger. She rested a hand over it and sighed. Tears stung behind her closed lids and she forced them back.

“You’re being nice.” Her voice was low. She kept her eyes closed not having the courage to look at him. How pathetic he must think she was. Sully could only imagine. She tried to so hard to not let people see the broken soul she was and now here it was, practically being waved in Dean’s face. “We’re never nice to each other. No one’s nice to me.”

Sully wasn’t sure if that made sense to him. It made sense to her. That was her norm. It made her suspicious when someone was nice and Sully always made sure she kept her guard up. Nothing was normal right now. She just wanted normal.

Steeling herself against the pitiful look Dean was no doubt giving her, Sully opened her eyes and pushed from the wall. She narrowed her gaze at Dean, focusing what little energy she could muster on him. With a raw guttural sound she shoved him. “Yell at me! Tell me how you hate me! How I’m a bitch!” She shoved him again. “Just yell at me!”

The physical exertion was too much for her frail body. Dizziness swept over Sully again. Lack of food and nutrition, being twenty or so pounds underweight made her weak. No stamina. No strength. Sully could barely stand on her own two feet. She sagged down, gripping the sink again and quietly cursing. “I’m worthless.” She said it more to herself than to Dean.

It was true. If her mother came back there was nothing she could do to defend herself. She was the mercy of anyone or anything that came after her. Sully couldn’t even push Dean without getting weak in the knees. Everything she had worked so hard to build for herself was no gone. Her body was broken, every defense she had built for herself was torn down and gone.

Now, even Dean wouldn’t yell at her. Probably scared he’d break her psyche’ completely. It was too late for that. Dean just didn’t know it yet. Or he did, and he was trying to keep her on this side of sane. Sully was walking a fine line. She swallowed thickly again, pulling away from the comfort of Dean's help. She didn't deserve it. “Just…get the clothes.”

With that she started towards the door on shaky feet.

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

“You’re being nice.”

Dean looked completely puzzled, only Sully had her eyes shut and couldn’t see how her statement had stopped him in his tracks. Was she angry with him for being nice? What kind of person actually wanted someone to yell at them and treat them badly? The answer was obvious. The kind that’s only had that kind of treatment their whole life. Someone who didn’t know any different and was suspicious when people were kind towards them because they simply didn’t know how to handle it. Dean was just starting to realise the depths to which Sully’s sense of normal was screwed up.

“We’re never nice to each other. No one’s nice to me.”

“I don’t know how it works where you’re from, but in my world, when someone’s beaten to shit, it’s common practice to help them out. Now, let’s get you back to bed before you fall on your ass.”

He moved in close again, aiming to slip her arm over his shoulder and his hand around her waist to help guide her back to bed, but he forgot that he wasn’t dealing with a very pliant patient and instead she tried to openly shove him away.

“Yell at me! Tell me how you hate me! How I’m a bitch! Just yell at me!”

Sully’s whole need to find her sense of reality in what she knew to be normal he could understand, but the way she was going about it was starting to piss Dean off, so he found himself raising his voice like she’d asked, only not to say what she wanted him to.

“You want me to yell at you? Fine! Let’s get you settled back into bed and then I can get you some clothes and food!” He dropped the volume back down again and raised an eyebrow as though he was waiting for approval. “How was that?”

Approval never came though because Sully was too busy trying to faceplant on the floor. Or not faceplant, one of the two. Either way, she was swaying dangerously towards horizontal and Dean had to swoop in to catch her yet again.

“Whoa…gravity’s a bitch, huh.” He was hoping to lighten the mood, but her next whispered words brought it crashing back down again.

“I’m worthless.”

Sometimes it was like looking in a mirror. A weird, gender bending mirror, but Dean saw so much of himself in Sully, it was hard not to make the comparison.

“You’re a lot of things y’know, stubborn mostly, as well as being a pain in my ass…” A soft smile crept up on his lips but he wasn’t sure she’d seen it.

“But worthless is not one of them. I wouldn’t have come this far if you were.”

Had he gotten through to her? He couldn’t tell, the silence in the room was too thick to see, but eventually she found her balance and pushed away from him once more, all be it with a more defeated tone in her voice.

“Just…get the clothes.”

It was hard to let her go, to watch her struggle on her own two feet, using the wall as an aid to staying upright when Dean knew he could help her get back to the bedroom, but he’d always been good at knowing when he’d out stayed his welcome. Sully wanted a little privacy, just a few moments to herself and while Dean worried that she might try and do something stupid again, he let her go all the same.

If she’d truly wanted to kill herself, then she’d had plenty of opportunity to do so when he’d been asleep. No doubt he would need to keep an eye on her for the foreseeable future, but right now? She’d be okay on her own for five minutes while he went to fetch her some clothes.

In the midst of all the chaos, Dean had almost forgotten why he’d originally gone down to the basement area, but the sight of a dissected person in the middle of the floor quickly jogged his memory. The smell of rot and decay got stuck up his nose again and he almost gagged, holding himself together at the last second to avoid ruining his boots. If they were going to be stuck here for a couple of days, then he had to do something about the body otherwise it wouldn’t be long before the whole bunker stank of death.

As quickly as he could without getting himself bloodied up again, Dean scooped up the organs he’d removed from inside Coyote-guy and shoved them back in the cavity they’d left behind. Then, grabbing the dead man’s feet to drag the corpse along the ground, he pulled it into the cell that Sully had been kept captive in so that he could lock the door on it and hopefully contain the smell. In the process, he tried not to think about how skanky the cell itself was, or how Sully had been forced to endure day after day in it. She was out, that part of her life was over, even if she couldn’t accept it just yet.

Cleaning his hands on the shirt he’d used before, he picked up his defective phone and all the clothes that were strewn on the floor along with anything else he came across that he thought might prove useful. Ideally, he didn’t want to come back down here again. The body might have been out of sight, but the blood stains remained.

By the time he returned back upstairs and had scoured the rest of the bunker for clothing, Sully was back in the bedroom, lost in thought he presumed from the blank look on her face. He dropped the bundle of miscellaneous items on the bed beside her and took a minor detour off to wash the dried blood off his hands in the bathroom sink. While he scrubbed his hands raw to get every last drop of red from them, he called back to Sully in the other room.

“I dunno what’ll fit you out of that stuff, but there’s bound to be something in there better than a bed sheet.”

He came back to stand in the doorway, drying his hands on a clean towel as she half heartedly started to browse for herself, before deciding that she probably didn’t want him to stand around while she got herself dressed again. Yes, he had already seen her naked, but that had been out of necessity to clean up her wounds. Now he knew she’d prefer to keep her dignity intact so he grabbed the duffel bag’s he’d brought with him from the car and headed back to the door to find somewhere he could sort out some food for the both of them.

“Gimme a shout if you need me to help you with anything. I’m gonna rustle up something to eat to make you feel better. You’re probably starving. I know I am.”

With a warm grin, he wandered off and left her to it, finding the bunker’s kitchen just a couple of doors away across the hall. It wasn’t exactly fancy, but there was a hot plate, some pans and blessedly, a few tins of food and dry goods intended to be for long term storage. Some of it was dusty and old, but it would do if they got really desperate. In the meantime, he was going to use the fresh stuff he’d brought with him first, hoping that they would have been able to call for a ride out of there before he had to resort to bunker food.

[Deleted]

A small bit of relief washed through Sully when Dean yelled at her. That was what she was used to. Normalcy. The sound of someone screaming at her, even though this was more of a parental scolding than their normal bickering, somehow made something settle slightly inside of her. Sully knew it didn’t make sense. Not even to herself, but she was grateful for it all the same.

Sully was also more than grateful that Dean let her walk herself back into the room. It wasn’t easy. She had to lean against the wall more than once to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding like she had just endured the most intense cardio work out of her life. Out of shape was putting it mildly. Her body had no energy reserves. Sully was utterly exhausted and felt like she could sleep for a month.

She eased onto the bunk, her body stiff and tired, though considerably better than before. If she managed to see Cheveyo again she was going to have to thank him. Though Sully doubted she would. It had to have been some kind of fluke or maybe he was the one meant to heal her. Sully wasn’t sure. She was just grateful. It meant she could get out of here sooner.

Keeping her face carefully neutral, Sully tried desperately not to let her mind go the dark places it was crawling to get at. She needed to build her defenses again. Pushing it down and away was the only way she was going to get through it. It was the only way she got through anything. The only problem was something had changed. She couldn’t just push it to the side and not think about it. It kept pushing back into the open.

Every time she closed her eyes she saw her mother’s taunting face. Sully heard the venom in her words, the expectations, and the disappointment. It echoed in her brain, bouncing off her skull to keep Sully from getting a firm grasp on it and shoving it away. Her hand gripped into the sheet on the bed, broken fingernails digging into the fabric. Sully couldn’t do this.

“I dunno what’ll fit you out of that stuff, but there’s bound to be something in there better than a bed sheet.”

Dean's voice had startled her from her thoughts. After a moment Sully just nodded her good arm moving to touch the fabrics Dean had laid on the bed. Even the smallest item was going to be too big for her. Her body was so frail, even with the healing Cheveyo had given her. He didn’t make her gain the weight back. Even now she was already tired from the exertion of yelling and shoving Dean in the bathroom. Her eyes were half lidded. A heavy fog was rolling over her.

“Gimme a shout if you need me to help you with anything. I’m gonna rustle up something to eat to make you feel better. You’re probably starving. I know I am.”

It was obvious Dean had been the one to undress her beforehand. Not that she had been wearing much. That bothered her. Not because he had seen her naked, but because having someone change her made Sully feel weak. She had never been modest, but she had always been self sufficient. Now even the most simple of tasks were proving themselves to be a challenge. Sully wasn’t sure she had the patience or the perseverance to overcome this. She was just so tired.

After Dean left Sully found a black, long sleeve shirt that seemed to be a three sizes too big for her. She pulled the top of the sheet down. Sweat beaded on her forehead, breath coming in little tufts from exertion as she attempted to pull the shirt on. Pain flared through her damaged shoulder. She felt the stitches tugging as she slipped her arms inside the sleeve. Sully bit down on her tongue to keep from crying out. The metallic taste of blood fill her mouth. She didn’t care. She didn’t want Dean to hear her and come rushing in to help her. The Cowboy had somehow turned into a boy scout and it was unnerving.

It seemed to take an hour, but Sully finally managed to get the shirt over her broken body. The scars on her stomach were going to be bad, but then again mostly all of them would be. She looked like she had been put through a sewing machine. Sully had never been a vain person, opting for simple clothes, keeping her long hair in pigtailed braids. Now though, she felt horrid and disgusting. She didn’t want anyone to see what was left of her.

When Sully finally got the shirt on, she had to sit there for several moments to catch her breath. The shirt was extremely baggy on her. Enough so she probably could have fit another person inside of it with her. It was a size small. Sully’s normal size. It told her just how much weight she’d really lost. Her chest tightened and Sully blinked back tears. She refused to cry again. She had already made an ass out of herself once.

Once her breath was steady, Sully went through the bottoms. There was no way the jeans would even stay on her hips. They would slide right off. Besides, even they did fit, jeans were out of the question. They would be too rough against her raw skin right now. Instead she pulled out a pair of pajama Capri pants. It was easier to slide the pants on than it was the shirt, but it still cost Sully a lot of energy.

It had a draw string, one of the reasons Sully had picked it. She had to wrap the string around her small body twice and was having issues with tying it. Her fingers seemed to have lost their fine motor skills. They were clumsy and shaking with the effort. Or maybe Sully was just shaking in general.

Sully growled to herself. She was not going to ask Dean to tie them for her. That was utterly embarrassing. She refused to be that helpless. Apparently her fingers didn’t get the memo from her brain. They refused to cooperate, making jerky movements and fumbling around with no sense of direction.

“God damnit!” Her words were high pitched and frustrated.

Then she remembered her shoulder. She still hadn’t taken off the bandage to see how much the bloody mess had healed. Now under the cover of the shirt, she had even less desire too. It was highly likely that the muscles and tendons were still torn up which would explain why her fingers weren’t working properly. At least for her right hand. Her left though, was shaking just as badly.

She just needed to eat. That was all. Dean said he was going to get food. It seemed he’d been gone an awfully long time. Panic crept into Sully’s spine. She hadn’t heard anything, but had she been so focused on her own short comings that she missed it? Maybe her mother had come back and silenced Dean’s screams before he could cry out.

“Dean?” She called out, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible. There was no answer, but then again it wasn’t like she could yell over normal speaking tones.

Her heart began pounding again. This time from fear. She didn’t like the quiet. She didn’t want her screams to be the only thing filling it up. That would happen if her mother returned. There was no doubt in Sully’s mind about that. Her mother was insane.

Swallowing back her fear, Sully stood on wobbly legs. She used one hand to hold up the PJ pants, since she hadn’t been able to tie them off. By the time she reached the door she was out of breath and had to lean against the frame. Her body was shaking with the effort. There was no sign of Dean in the hallway.

“Cowboy?”

Only silence answered her. She was suddenly feeling trapped, and alone. The panic spread. She wanted out of this place. There were too many horrors here for Sully to deal with. Maybe she was being paranoid.

Sully didn’t care.

She started moving down the hallway, her body shaking. Each step made her a bit weaker, but she pushed herself on anyways. She heard something from a room up ahead. A clattering or banging. It stopped Sully in her tracks. What could she do if Dean was in trouble?

Nothing.

Sully could barely walk, let alone fight. Even the thought was out in left field. Maybe she could offer a distraction at least. Something that would let Dean get away if he was in trouble. Taking a deep, shuddering breath she pressed on until she was leaning against the door frame of the small kitchen like area.

What she saw, Sully wasn't expecting. Despite the fact that Dean had said he was going to get them some food she hadn't imagined he'd try to cook it. In fact, she hadn't known he could cook at all. This really was getting weirder by the second.

Relief washed over her. Now that Sully could see that Dean was all right her legs no longer wanted to support her. Sully slid down the wall. God she really was pathetic.

Dean noticed her, dropping what he was doing and quickly coming to her side. He didn't look happy. Well at least that was familiar. It brought a small smile to her lips.

"Hey Cowboy. It was too quiet back there." Her body was shaking against her will. Not just from cold, but from exertion and hunger. Sully was overdoing it. She knew that, but she couldn't stand to be alone in this place. Not right now.

She gasped when her ribs suddenly decided to take notice of the movements and lashed at her with pain. She whimpered, so tired of feeling pain. So tired of feeling period.

Sully just wanted to sleep. She felt it pressing down on her and she decided to stop fighting it. Dean was okay. There was no attack. He had left her alone in this place.

"M'tired." She told him, her eyes already shutting. "M'sorry." She added as an after thought. Sully meant it. She was sorry that Dean had to be the one to go through this with her. It wasn't his burden. He shouldn't have this weighing on him. This was hers to carry alone. Even if it became too heavy. Even if it killed her. She didn't want Dean feeling the effects of it. That wasn't fair to him.

Sully could have sworn she felt Dean lift her into his arms and say something, or maybe she was just dreaming.

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

If he ignored the fact they were in some kind of cold war, nuclear bunker, deep underground in the middle of the desert, then Dean could be forgiven for thinking this was just any other day patching up someone after a bad hunt. Typically, that someone was Sam, or himself, and more than once they’d had to hole up in a dump not dissimilar to this – only with windows – to rest and heal or lay low to avoid the police or FBI. It was familiar territory. He’d learnt from an early age how to take care of those around him, putting everyone else in front of himself was as automatic as breathing.

Dean often cooked in those circumstances, though he’d never have considered himself a gourmet chef. Cooking in a motel mostly meant reheating food already prepared by someone else, but never the less, he could rustle up a decent meal should the right equipment be at hand. If he was really lucky, they’d have a grill outside and he could barbeque. Setting fire to stuff was something of a speciality but if he’d tried to light one down here, that’d only succeed in filling the place with smoke, so the hot plate was a grateful find. Besides, it wasn't like they had any fresh meat to grill anyway. Ideally, he’d have liked to stock up on more palatable foods than the basic rations he had to work with here, but then beggars can’t be choosers. He suspected that anything edible he put in front of Sully right now, she’d think was the best food ever. He’d been starving hungry before, he knew how that went. When you haven't eaten for days, a packet of ketchup tastes delicous.

At the thought of food and the smell of the cold beans when he opened the can to dump in the saucepan, his stomach started a song and dance routine in delight that it would finally get some breakfast that day. He silenced it was a quick rub and moved onto firing up the hot plate, making a mental note later to find out where the power for this place was coming from. Being days from civilisation, he doubted that it was hooked up to a main power line, so that meant there had to be a generator somewhere underground which eventually would run out of juice. If they were hoping to stay for the long haul, he’d need to find it and check how long it would last and conserve energy where he could to maintain the basics.

Water was another item on the list to be investigated since again, the pipes wouldn’t be linked up to mains water supply. He was betting on a water tank of some kind, possibly something connected to an underground source of water. Or at least, that’s what he was hoping for. If they were reliant on a tank of water, it wouldn’t last forever and he’d already used up quite a bit cleaning up Sully when really, she needed it to drink. It was just one more thing that would have to wait until he’d gotten some food in her stomach and settled her back in bed again. She’d need more sleep, he could do all the other stuff when she was resting.

The thought of water had him licking his lips, he’d have given his right arm for a six pack of cold beers about now, not just because he was so thirsty he could have drunk a lake dry, but because his right arm was throbbing like a bitch. Underneath the bandage hiding the bite it felt hot and tight, swollen a little he presumed, from bruising where he’d tried to pry his forearm free of a set of bone crushing jaws. Thankfully, heating up a tin of beans on a hot plate was adequate enough to distract his mind from it for now.

In fact, he was so mesmerized by the glow of the heated ring the saucepan was at on, he didn‘t hear Sully call his name. It was as though someone has flicked a switch in his brain and set him on standby, the adrenaline spike from being thrust into a survival situation had long since run dry and he was down to running on fumes. Now that he was left to his own devices, his body was craving rest that he didn’t have time to grant it. He was on watch, guardian of someone in worse shape than he was, which meant, if his father’s rules were to be abided by, that he had to stay alert and on point until they could figure a way to get help. He’d lasted longer on less sleep before now, he could do it again. The only saving grace being that no sleep meant no nightmares and after his stint as mortician down in the basement, he felt sure that some grand night terrors were due to be coming his way soon.

It was more than just weariness from weeks hunting for Sully and the events of the day, he just felt a little bit off. It was hard to put his finger on but every once in a while his vision would blur for a fraction of a second, making the world around him seem like it was temporarily out of sync. A blink of the eyes or a shake of his head and it would right itself again, so he just put it down to tiredness and a bit of sunstroke. A little food inside him was probably all he needed.

Need to get Sully to take a last of the antibiotics that are in the med kit when she eats…then make sure she’d hydrated and warm enough…get her to sleep while I sort out that phone…dammit, I knew I should have brought the dead one from the car back with me…maybe I can run back to the car and fetch it while she’s asleep…might be able to get that battery to work in my phone…god, what if I can’t get it to work…then we’re stuck here until Sully’s strong enough to walk…fuck, that could be weeks…I need to fix the car…maybe I can MacGuyver some stuff from down here to get it going again…not much I can do about the tyres…if I put the spare one on one of the front wheels, it might be enough to get it moving…I can replace the rims when we get to a garage…ugh, the thought of that wolf bitch in my car…I really hope she’s dead somewhere…don’t want to be running in to her again any time soon…reminds me, I’ll have to secure this place if I’m gonna leave Sully here on her own…maybe a trip wire and a booby trapped explosive at the front door…might do that anyway…who knows whether she’s gonna return with back up or not…I can probably sprint to the car and back again in twenty minutes...

He was deep in thought, staring blankly at the pan as he robotically stirred it, when Sully appeared at the doorway looking like she’d run to it from a mile away, not walked a few feet from the other room. Before he could say anything, her legs decided they’d give up on her and she slid ungracefully to the floor down the wall. Naturally, Dean dropped the spoon in the pan and left it simmering, rushing over to stop Sully from face-planting onto the floor.

“What’re you doing out of bed?” He asked, annoyed that she was pushing her frail body too much, undoing all the hard work he kept putting in to keep her in one piece.

“Hey Cowboy. It was too quiet back there.”

“You dragged your ass in here to tell me it was too quiet back there?” Dean shook his head, patting her cheek a couple of times when it looked like she was about to fall asleep on him.

“Hey, wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.” Ignoring the discomfort of having her weight pressed against the bandage, he slid his arms under her and picked her up again, this time depositing her into a chair by the table, hoping to keep her awake enough so that she could eat.

“Okay, I lied. It’s not eggs or bacon. It’s beans. And if you’re really lucky, dried meat. Sounds delicious I know, but you need to eat something before I can let you sleep again.”

He stayed crouched in front of her, one hand on her good shoulder and his other on the side of her neck until he was sure she’d reacquainted herself with a sense of balance. At the back of his mind he sensed the beans beginning to burn and he hurriedly jumped up to take them off the heat, swearing to himself when the pan burned his hand.

“There’s a couple of pills for you to take too and then you can sleep for as long as you like, I promise.” He encouraged whilst flapping his hand to cool the sting of a hot pan on it, simultaneously rummaging around for a bowl to pour the beans into, one eye on Sully the whole time. Eventually he found a second spoon too and he came to sit down beside her, pushing the bowl in her direction while he ate a few meagre mouthfuls from what was left in the pan.

[Deleted]

“You dragged your ass in here to tell me it was too quiet back there?”

Darkness was pressing down on Sully. She was exhausted. Any time it felt like she was getting just a little bit of energy it was quickly taken from her from the simplest of things. It was frustrating. Everything was frustrating. She couldn’t even walk on her own without collapsing a few feet away. It was pathetic. It was weak.

“Hey, wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.”

Dean’s gentle patting sent tingling sensations along her skin that brought her back to the land of the living. If only barely. The edges of her vision were fuzzy. The sudden aroma of food filled her nostrils. Her stomach clenched and twisted in an odd mix of hunger and nausea. Her mouth salivated. Her gaze went to the hot plate, the beans sizzling on top sending a heavenly aroma her way. Sully could swear she’d never smelled anything so wonderful.

“Okay, I lied. It’s not eggs or bacon. It’s beans. And if you’re really lucky, dried meat. Sounds delicious I know, but you need to eat something before I can let you sleep again.”

Sully gave him a withering look. She was torn between the need to sleep and the need to eat, even if her stomach couldn’t make up its mind. The most she’d had over the last several months was stale bread and water. Sometimes it was twice a day, more often once. That was even if they took the time to feed her at all.

Compared to the last several months the aroma of beans promised a gourmet meal. She watched with a sleepy gaze as Dean burned himself and cursed. She winced, wishing she had the energy to heal him up a bit. She knew he was hurt. Sully had healed him when she barely knew him. Mostly to shut him up. His constant whining had been enough to make her ears bleed.

Now though, when it counted, she didn’t have the ability to help him. The word pathetic came to her mind once more. Dean had risked a lot to help her. Sully knew that. She still didn’t understand why. She figured after a month missing Dean would have given up on her. Never in a million years after all this time did she think he’d still be looking. It confused her, but she was too tired to dwell on it at the moment.

When he set the plate in front of her Sully attempted to grab the spoon. Her hands were shaking. She hadn’t been able to tie the pants and the spoon was proving to be another obstacle. One that at the moment, was keeping her from the promise of food. Food she desperately wanted and needed.

Sully narrowed her gaze at the evil instrument, a sound of frustration escaping her throat. Her hands shook so badly that the beans constantly slid off. If she could have bent the spoon with her mind she would have. Since she barely had the strength to stay awake, Sully just set it back down and used her hands.

The beans were warm and sticky, but she shoved some of them into her mouth. She barely had time to taste them before swallowing them. It was a hard swallow since she barely chewed, but she pushed past it, taking the next several bites the same way. At one point she nipped the tip of her finger in an effort to get to the beans more quickly. She didn’t care. Sully was literally starving.

Unfortunately the beans hit her stomach like lead weights. Pain spread across her abdomen, but she ignored. The food more important than the pain and continued to devour it, forcing the food down even when she knew she’d had enough. Sully was like a starved animal and she didn’t know when she’d get her next meal. She didn’t want to waste it. The world had narrowed down to her and the beans and she wasn’t going to let anyone take them away from her.

Sully had missed the part about the pills. She was too focused on the food in front of her. When the beans were gone she licked the sauce of her fingers, taking the time to savor the flavor. Her eyes fluttered from it. Beans were her new favorite food in the entire world. It was the best she’d had in ages.

When there was no more, she blinked and looked at Dean, realizing she must have looked foolish and rabid the way she had eaten. She felt her face flush and cleared her throat. At the same time she belched and then groaned. Dean was probably getting a kick out of this. He must realize how right he was about her when they first met. He had every reason to hate her. Everything he had ever said about her was true.

Despite the food, her stomach was still rumbling, debating on whether or not it was going to keep down the food she just devoured. Sully was mortified and ashamed and dropped her gaze to the table.

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

At first Dean had doubts about whether or not Sully would mange with the spoon and once he saw her fumbling with unco-operative fingers, he started to think of how best to broach the subject of him helping to feed her like an invalid. Neither of them wanted that scenario but necessity overrode survival. However then she did something that he might have done in her place too. She ditched the spoon in favour of using her hands to scoop up the beans, messily stuffing them into her mouth as though she only had a short amount of time to do so. He wondered what meal times had been like for her in the last few months, whether they only gave her scraps to eat and if she didn’t want it there and then, it would be taken away from her again instead. She obviously hadn't been given a lot to eat whatever the case.

After the initial trepidation, she caved into her hunger and devoured the rest of the bowlful in record time and Dean found himself stopping what he was doing to openly stare at her as she cleared the dish. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her to slow down and chew, or to take a breath between bites but he doubted she would have listened. Sully wasn’t a child, if she wanted to stuff her face with the first hot meal she’d probably had in months, then who was he to stop her from enjoying it. He couldn’t help but to smile and chuckle a little when she burped her satisfaction.

“That good huh? I guess you were hungrier than I thought.” He slid the pan with his share of beans in it over, gesturing for her to finish them off while he got up to find the meds he’d promised. If Sully seemed ashamed of her actions, she needn’t have worried what Dean thought. He was just glad she had an appetite.

“There’s beef jerky in that duffel, help yourself.” He said, pointing vaguely in the right direction whilst poking through the remnants of what was once a well stocked first aid kit. After a little rummaging he pulled out a plastic container for pills, taking a moment to check they were the right ones before uncapping it and shaking out one of the two left inside. He set it on the table next to her bowl and then moved to fill a glass with water for her as well as getting one for himself.

“Take that first though. You can have the other one next time. They’re all the antibiotics I got left, but they should get us a head start on any infections you might have picked up down here.”

He sat back down beside her, wordlessly taking the packet of jerky she was struggling to open from her and replacing it with the little capsule of drugs that she needed to take instead. He opened the packet and handed it back without comment, just casually doing what she couldn't to save her the time.

"You heal fast." He eventually said, taking note for the first time how much better the cuts and bruises on her face looked now that he could see them in better light. In his experience with such injuries - and his experience was vast and extensive - that kind of improvement took days, not hours. He presumed it had something to do with her natural ability to heal others, though he'd never seen her use it on herself before.

"I thought your mojo didn't work on you?"

[Deleted]

When Dean slid the beans over, Sully wasted no time in scooping some up with her fingers and shoving them in her mouth. Her stomach felt like it bulged out further than it should. Sully was full, but the smell of food was tantalizing she kept shoving more of the beans in her mouth until Dean’s portion was cleared as well. It didn’t even occur to her that he might be hungry. She wasn’t worried about how much food there was. The last few months taught her that you ate what was put in front of you whether you were hungry or not. Never knew when she was going to get another chance to eat.

Without saying anything Sully reached over and grabbed the jerky. Her fingers fumbled once more as she tried to open the packet. She took a deep withering breath. What had she been reduced? Someone who couldn’t tie a draw string or even hold a spoon? Her body was fighting her every step of the way. Sully wasn’t sure she could win this battle.

With each moment that passed there was just something new that came about. Something Sully couldn’t do. She had always been the one who fought to overcome the things she couldn’t do. It seemed everyone had tried to keep her down her entire life. She was always fighting and climbing her way out of a hole. Sully was determined to prove to herself, if no one else that she wasn’t a worthless piece of garbage.

Dean took the jerky from her, handing her pills instead. She frowned at them. Sully didn’t want to take the pills. Dean said they were antibiotics, but what if they were sedatives. She glanced up at him warily. It was true that Dean had saved her from the monsters. He had patched up her wounds and for whatever reason, held her while she cried and lost her mind. Something Sully already regretted doing.

“Take that first though. You can have the other one next time. They’re all the antibiotics I got left, but they should get us a head start on any infections you might have picked up down here.”

Sully didn’t exactly distrust him, but she wasn’t ready to just take his word about the pills. She wasn’t ready to trust anyone completely at the moment. If her own mother could do this to her, how could she be sure Dean wouldn’t just as easily turn on her?

Maybe he was fed up with her antics already. Maybe he was tired of having to watch over her. The pills could be some sort of sedative or painkillers that would easily trap Sully in a deep sleep. Dean would be able to do whatever he wanted to her. Maybe they were just antibiotics like he said, but she didn’t want to take that chance.

When Dean handed the jerky back, she gave him the pills and shook her head. There was no way in hell she was downing those capsules. Dean would have to shove them down her throat. Besides, by the time the jerky was ready her stomach was rolling. Waves of nausea were slamming her like tsunami. Her stomach was not at all happy with how much food she’d consumed in such a short period of time.

Sully looked at the jerky longingly. Her mouth salivating for more food even as her stomach threatened to reject the food she’d already eaten. She took several deep breaths trying calm the storm in her stomach, the jerky gripped tightly in her fingers.

"You heal fast."

Sully flicked her gaze to his, not quite sure what to say to that. Memories of Cheveyo floated to the surface of her mind. She wasn’t sure she should tell Dean about that. She wasn’t sure if the comment had been observation or Dean digging for information. Sully had already said too much. He had an arsenal he could use against her if he wanted to. Despite the fact that he’d helped her, Sully wasn’t sure he was above that.

Maybe she was being paranoid. Sully didn’t care. She was scared of getting hurt again. It was her own fault that she had walked into this trap. She wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.

"I thought your mojo didn't work on you?"

“It doesn’t.” She said simply. There was no added explanation. Nothing Dean needed to know about. Even if she felt like elaborating, her stomach made the final decision. Bile built in the back of Sully’s throat. She swallowed thickly, trying to hold the food down, but it was a no go. A hand went to her stomach as she spotted an old bucket a few feet away.

Sully quickly scurried over to it. Then she fell to her knees and emptied the contents of her stomach. The beans weren’t nearly as good coming as they had been going down. The aches and pains that had settled across her body flared to life again as she wretched into the bucket, her whole body shaking with the effort. Tears stung her eyes and she whimpered around the awful sounds of throwing up.

“God damnit!” Sully squeezed her eyes shut, still hovering over the bucket, unsure if her stomach had finished with its rebellion. It was just another way her body was fighting her. “I’m fucking pathetic.” She said it more to herself than to Dean. She was just reassuring herself of what she already knew.

There was no coming back from this.

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

Just when he thought they were taking a step in the right direction, Sully’s gut decided that no, they needed to take two back again, forcing her to expel the beans she’d ravenously eaten only minutes previously. It was disappointing to say the least, not to mention the fact that was precious food wasted. He knew he should have told her to slow down, her weakened stomach had not been able to handle such a rush of food all at once but he‘d been so eager for her to get her strength back again, he hadn‘t thought. Next time, he’d ration her portions so they wouldn’t get a repeat performance. The only saving grace was she’d refused the antibiotics so that hadn’t been wasted on nothing.

“Y’alright?” He asked, cringing at the sounds Sully was making, wincing in sympathy at how unpleasant it must feel to be hurling her guts up with broken ribs. At first he didn’t move, just sighing to himself that everything he did just ended up going wrong, debating whether or not to bang his head repeatedly on the table in frustration, when Sully made her comment about being pathetic. Rubbing his face, he came to crouch beside her, bringing with him a dampened cloth so that she could wipe her face once she was done.

“Too much, too soon?” He asked, guessing the answer already. Thankfully her hair was shorter now, so he didn’t have to hold it back from her face while she heaved up her stomach contents, but he did however place a warm hand on her back, gently rubbing between her shoulder blades to ease the tremors running down her spine from the uncontrollable spasms. It was the kind of comfort he liked when he was sick, something Li had done for him in the past that made the crappiness of the situation that little bit more sufferable.

“Good thing your aim’s still good.” It was a mistake to risk a look in the bucket, seeing the still whole beans sitting in yellowish bile made him feel ill himself. He looked away and breathed through his mouth to avoid the smell.

[Deleted]

“Y’alright?”

Sully simply nodded and took the cloth from his hand, rubbing her face and then placing it around the back of her neck. The coolness was heavenly. For whatever reason it seemed to steady the rolling waves in her stomach and she leaned back on her legs, a heavy sigh escaping her. She was so much more tired than she had been a few minutes ago. She could still feel her stomach spasming under her skin. She just wanted to sleep.

“Too much, too soon?”

His hand was suddenly on her back, bringing a startled cry from Sully’s lips. Her body tensed, expecting some sort of pain to soon follow. It was instinctual. It always had been. In Sully’s experience, when someone went to touch her, it was to hurt her. Dean hadn’t hurt her. Even now the small circles were soothing, but she was scared to relax. Sully was certain that as soon as she let her guard down that pain would come. She stayed rigid, glancing at him from the corner of her eye, expecting the façade to drop at any moment.

“Good thing your aim’s still good.”

Dean’s gaze turned away from her. She didn’t blame him. The sight of vomit and the smell was revolting. It was how she felt about herself. Inside and out. She should be expelled from the world. Sully didn’t belong here. She didn’t belong anywhere. She was a mistake. Sully realized with certainty that if she hadn’t have been born, the world would have been a lot better off. It’s what her parents had been trying to tell her for years. It took torture to get it through her head, but now it was there. Deep seeded into the core of mind.

She slumped, her ribs pressing together, flaring with a fresh pain. Sully didn’t care. She was so tired. The exertion took its toll on her once again. She didn’t bother saying anything to Dean. What was there to say? He already knew. She didn’t need to verbally reinforce that. Dean had known just like everyone else.

So what was he doing here?

Pushing the bucket away, Sully moved to stand. Stars flashed in her eyes and darkness pressed down on her. She gripped the back of a chair to stay on her feet. Closing her eyes she took deep, steady breaths to keep from passing out. There was no way she was going to be able to make it back to the room. Instead, when she got a bit of stability, she sat down in the chair, pushing the plate and the jerky away, before resting her face on the cool surface and closing her eyes.

[ZZZ - Dean - RETIRED]

This would have been so much easier if it were Sam he was dealing with. Dean knew Sam. Every little expression his face could convey, every subtle sigh, all the ways in which he tried to hide his pain; Dean knew what they all meant because he’d grown up with him and had seen them a thousand times before. He knew him inside and out. Which meant he knew what worked when he tried to make Sam feel better. With Sully? Let’s just say it was a process of trial and error and so far, error seemed to be winning out.

“Let your stomach settle. We’ll try something else when you’re ready. Take it slower next time.” He said, keeping his patience but feeling useless as he watched Sully drag herself back to the chair.

What else did they have that would be easier on her stomach than beans? He thought about soaking some jerky in water, softening it up for her to make it easier to chew and swallow. Maybe he’d see what the tins of soup were like that he’d spotted at the back of one of the cupboards. He had to get something in her that she could keep down. If she didn’t eat, then she wasn’t going to get any better. If she didn’t get any better, then it was only a matter of time before Dean was forced to either carry her out of here, or leave her behind while he made the trek across the desert for help. If he left her alone in the state she was in or worse, then she didn’t stand a chance. So it all rested on her eating. No pressure then.

He stood up too, leaving the bucket for the time being just in case she needed it again. He'd clean it up later. Right now he was debating his next move as he saw yet again how Sully shut herself down and closed herself off from him. Her stubborness and inability to trust was beginning to become a problem.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” It felt like a line from a chick flick, the kind of territory Dean rarely ventured into, but this was somehow different. Sully had been tortured and if there was anyone alive that she could talk to about this, who knew just what she was going through, then it was Dean. After a few moments, he sat down beside her again, his brow knitted together in concern.

“Whatever happened here, you can’t bottle it up or it’s gonna eat you alive. Trust me.”