A long way from home (open)

[Deleted]

He felt useless. He HATED feeling useless. Ever since his wings were taken from him Castiel had resorted into....well he wasn’t sure what he resorted into. It certainly wasn’t anything...angelic. Was it? No, it was a drunken mess. It started with the drinks at first. Dean had helped him a little bit when he FIRST lost his wings, but now...he was alone. He didn’t want to bother Dean with how he was feeling, and he didn’t want to bother Dean with anything he was going through now. He knew that Dean wasn’t exactly a ‘talkative ‘ person lately, so Castiel kept to himself.

He mostly wandered around the camp. He knew he was useless when it came to fighting. Though he knew how to shoot, that was about the only thing he knew how to do. He couldn’t vanquish demons anymore, couldn’t exactly...HELP the humans the way he used to. He was utterly, stupidly useless.

He started taking the drugs when he broke his leg. Then he KEPT taking them. At first he thought maybe they were painkillers, but now, he wasn’t so sure anymore WHAT they were. He didn’t care. They were antihistamines and they worked. They helped some with the depressing, and anger.

He was angry with his Father for allowing this to happen. Angry for his fellow angels abandoning him. He was angry at the world for allowing this to happen. What ever happened to the good and decent humans that were around? 

Castiel sighed as he walked the camp. He didn’t really know where to go or who to see. So instead..he went to get drinks, which was something you were NOT supposed to do while taking drugs but....what did he have to loose? He STILL was stronger then a regular human, so he could take it. 

Cas popped a few pills in his mouth and sighed. He walked and walked most of the night until he found himself....throwing up in a bucket just outside of one of the main cabins. He groaned. “Father...why have you left us?” he muttered and continued puking. He felt his back for a minute where his wings used to be. He grimaced as he remembered when they were finally taken from him. He was nothing now.

[alexis]

Alexis Lovett

Things had changed drastically ever since the demons had pretty much taken over. Society isn't the same anymore, practically none existent. There were small camps of humans about, that was a plus, the only plus. They were all refugee camps and Lexi was in one of them. Camp Chitaqua was it's name, housing humans its game.

Lexi had arrived with another group of people, all were alone, knew nobody and were seeking shelter and protection from the demons. She was bloodied and bruised after fighting with the demons in her wolf form when she smelled the humans. She had to change back into human form and fight them that way until the group arrived. All in all, Lexi was lucky that she participated in fight clubs and was well versed in hand to hand combat. If not, her whole four foot eleven frame would be bloodied, broken and dead in the middle of the road.

So, she'd been there for a couple of months, being roped into missions that she wanted no part of, because of her fighting skill, much to the annoyance of most of the men.

Lexi rolled her eyes at the ignorance of the men, and carried on walking around the camp. She hadn't told anybody about her secret, not wanting to be beaten to death and being accused of double crossing them. If she was honest, it made her feel even more bitter towards humans for not having open mindedness, in turn making her more angry and more stand-offish when it came to conversing with people. She was lucky enough that people left her alone and rarely talked to her socially. She was glad of that because the last thing she needed was people bitching and griping at her about how unfair life was. Tough shit. She wasn't going to touch that conversation with a barge pole.

She rarely slept at night too. Anxious of an attack on the camp, about whether the humans would figure out her secret. She did find the irony in her calling them humans, when she once was a member of the human society. A normal girl, oblivious to everything else. The wolfs mind was always alive with activity, planning, thinking, daydreaming and this was another factor as to why she could never sleep.

***

It was a chilly night and Lexi was wrapped up in her bobble hat, scarf and gloves. Her leather duster falling around mid-calf, blowing in the slight wind. It was another sleepless night after a day with a particularly large amount of impatience and she was calming herself down, listening to the rhythmic crunch of gravel under her Doc Marten's.

She was walking down a long stretch of road with a line of small cabins and bungalows, leading up to the main ones. She had just reached one of them when she smelled and heard retching. A frown creased in her forehead, she followed the sound and smelled until she found a man bending over a bucket. Now she was close enough, she could smell the clear scent of alcohol, along with something she can't quite pin point.

“Father...why have you left us?”

With a smirk plastered across her face, Lexi made herself known, "You're really and truly quite pathetic. Surely if there was a God he would have prevented all this. And if He is there, what the fuck is wrong with him to leave this going on in front of him. And you think getting drunk off your arse if going to help that?"

She walked closer still until she was next to him. She wrinkled her nose in disgust before crouching down to his level, whispering into his ear, "You're pathetic."

[Deleted]

Castiel turned when he heard Alexis’s voice. He frowned. He knew he was being foolish. God was Gone. Joshua was right. Everyone who ever told him that was right. Had God been around, then Castiel wouldn’t be stuck in this mess. The angels would have never taken his wings, and he would have been back to his old self if God actually DID exist and the world wouldn’t be perished as it was now. Castiel knew how pathetic he really was. He WAS Jimmy now. He couldn’t feel his vessel any longer, he had literally become...human. Something he didn’t want, but he knew he didn’t have a choice, and it was all for helping Dean and Sam, and for what, THIS?

Still though, Castiel knew he had to get his life together. So there wasn’t a God, big deal? Right? Its not like Castiel never got around on his own before....right? Wrong. He knew that he hadn’t. He had ALWAYS been under God’s direction, God’s guidance, and now....he was abandoned. So, he did the only thing he COULD do. Drink himself silly. He knew it was stupid, he really did, and he knew it wasn’t himself, but he hadn’t been himself for a LONG time.

“You think I don’t KNOW that?” Castiel asked turning to Alexis, “You think I wanted to believe he wasn’t there? I thought maybe, just MAYBE if I had hope...he would come back to us...” Castiel muttered, “Lot of freaken good THAT did,” he said nearly stoned out of his mind.

Castiel nearly toppled over as he went to her, “And you know another thing?” he asked knowing his breath probably smelled like alcohol. “Another thing IS.....” he said “I BELIEVED in the son of a bitch,” Castiel muttered. “More then the other angels who had given up hope. I...actually believed he would stop all this. STOP Sam from becoming Lucifer and stop this whole FUTURE FROM HAPPENING,” he shouted upstairs.

He finally fell to the ground, “I wanted to believe it so DAMBED badly,” he said. “I was a fool,” he muttered.

He frowned. His wings were gone, his family was gone. Dean hardly spoke to him and he was the one who he had trusted the most, and now....everything was just not going well. He wanted to help Dean as he had been. Dean was too busy to worry about him though. He knew Dean had much more to worry about. He looked around for a minute seeing just HOW pathetic he really was. How this LIFE really was. He took another swig of his drink and sighed not wanting to tell her he lost his wings.

[alexis]

Alexis Lovett

As soon as he turned to her, Alexis righted herself and stepped back, not wanting to be knocked over. She wasn't scared of him, it was the fact that she was only 4ft 11" and it wouldn't take much to knock her down.

Her smirk turned into a frown as she fully took in the Castiel's image. He was in a complete state, clothes wrinkled and stained, a twelve o'clock shadow was turning into something else and he stank. Stank of beer and most likely, drugs as well as dirt. This was the image of a broken man.

“You think I don’t KNOW that?...You think I wanted to believe he wasn’t there? I thought maybe, just MAYBE if I had hope...he would come back to us...Lot of freaken good THAT did,”

Alexis stared at him, waiting for him to finish ranting at her before she cut in but she couldn't. She did not know how to reply, to placate the man. Her brain just seemed to cease function, instead telling her to let him say is peace because he most likely just wanted someone to listen to.

He came towards her then, making her take a couple of steps back, lest she wanted him to fall on top of her. She lifted her hand up to press against his chest to stop him coming closer because he wasn't stopping. She felt his breath sweep across her skin he was that close and the smell had not got any better and caused her to hold her breath and wrinkle her nose.

“And you know another thing? Another thing IS....I BELIEVED in the son of a bitch....More then the other angels who had given up hope. I...actually believed he would stop all this. STOP Sam from becoming Lucifer and stop this whole FUTURE FROM HAPPENING,"

Alexis was startled from his sudden rise in volume. She wasn't scared of him, but was made jump. 'What in the name of all that is innocent, drove him to this? Drink? Drugs?' She was pulled out of her thoughts when she noticed he'd gone but after looking down, she realised he'd just collapsed to the floor. She followed him down and sat fairly close to him, showing support. Completely different to how she first acted around him.

“I wanted to believe it so DAMBED badly...I was a fool,”

She sighed. If he thought about it, he would realise that every single member of the human race was a fool for believing in God. For believing He could stop something as monstrous as this.

"Look. He made a fool out of everybody who believed in him. Yet those very same people continue to believe? Why? I have no fucking clue but they do. Me? I don't believe that He ever cared about this weak race. He just used us as playthings, something for entertainment." Alexis paused only briefly to take his bottle and have a swig herself, "Now," Her tone was incredibly light and maybe verging on the hint of joyful. "We have a fairly bad situation. I've been going on missions a lot and to be honest, they have acheived next to nothing. I've noticed the lack of communication in people and so they are just giving up. They're weak for giving up. They need to fight back to prove, that even if they are only human, they are strong to fight back. To fight for freedom and to fight for what they believe in, even if He does chose to ignore and abandon them. Now are you going to be weak and give up or pluck up the courage and do something about it?"

Alexis took another couple of swigs of the whiskey and handed it back. She remained quiet, just staring at the sky, letting the bitter cold seep through and nip at her skin. After, what she felt was enough time for her speech to sink in, she spoke again. "So what role do you play, exactly?"

[Deleted]

ooc; I think since the future board is so close to being finished maybe we should take a plot like this over there? lol. It would be really fun. I have plans for Cas.

[alexis]

((OOC: I agree. Are we going to take this one over there as well? Put it on pause over here? Oooh, plans for Cas! Can't wait )

[Deleted]

Yep, that sounds like a plan to me )